First Attempt at Blogging

This is my first post. I have been "lurking" since early January when I came across little Noah's website just before he was laid before the Lord. I am blogging in an attempt to journal my feelings during this part of my life. I have been very distant from God for about 16 years. The pull to resurrect that relationship has been getting stronger. As I began to let God in He lead me to some very hard decisions. One was to let go of a very abusive relationship, which left my two youngest without their Father. That one decision alone has opened more doors and taken such a burden off my shoulders that I am now excited about my journey back to God. Before I was very afraid. I was so devastated when I lost my daughter, Meagan would be sixteen this year. As the holidays approach every year I sink into a kind of funk, wondering what life would be like with her here. After reading Adrienne's blog for so many months I am trying to embrace the sadness and look at it as one more holiday closer to seeing Meagan. I know she is there waiting. I have four other children, a 13 year old boy, an 8 year old girl, a 3 year old boy and a four month old boy. They are the joy of my life, and give me so many reasons to continue on this difficult journey. My oldest son has a severe heart defect and we almost lost him recently. He was never supposed to live to be two and yet here we are today. I hope that this blog will help me connect with people that have things in common with me and can offer advice, humor, support, etc. I also hope to be able to open up to people more instead of "lurking". So... here goes.